Tj_Whatnot's Fic Journal (whatnotastic) wrote,
Tj_Whatnot's Fic Journal

Drabble: "I've Never" (Snupin) R

Title: I've Never
Character: Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Professors of Hogwarts
Rating: R
Word Count: 460

“Ish ah-ite, ish my day offs,” Minerva McGonagall slurred.

“Splendid, whose turn is it?” Albus Dumbledore asked, raising his glass and squinting.

Remus and Severus pointed at each other.

“I just asked about the gardens,” Remus protested.

“That was me, dear,” Sprout piped with a hiccup.

“Fine,” Remus said, thinking. “I’ve never gotten drunk in the staff room before.”

And, like many, many rounds of ‘I’ve Never’ before, Remus and Severus were the only ones not to raise their glasses and shoot their Firewhisky.

“Your turn dear,” Trewlaney said, burping up stale Sherry.

Severus bristled at the endearment. “Why are we doing this again? Weren’t we called here for a staff meeting?”

“But ith yourrrr birth… hic birth… hic day.” Minerva barely got out.

Severus turned on Remus. “Did you set this up?”

“Absolutely not!” Remus lied badly. Flitwick giggled from under the table, where he had wound up after the round where inappropriate use of Charms was featured.

Trewlaney smiled and tried to point seductively to Remus. “He told us you’d love it, Severus.”

“Yes, yes, he’s very naughty,” Dumbledore sighed with glassy eyes. “Trying to make you have fun on your birthday, what was he thinking?”

Remus blushed and Severus’ glare diminished slightly. “Very well, if it is my turn,” Severus thought or a moment, “I’ve never shagged anyone in the staff room.”

Remus and Severus looked around the room horrified as each of their co-workers raised their glasses again. Calmly, Severus rose from the lounge he and Remus were sitting on and indicated that Remus should stand up as well.

“Scourgify,” Severus said, pointing his wand at the cushions.

“Really?” Remus asked the room in general as they sat back down. “Who knew professors were such randy buggers?”

Dumbledore giggled like a child. “You should have joined our ranks years ago Remus! I dare say you’d be more snookered.”

“Ohhh, my turn,” Trewlaney said, bouncing on her chair. Then she cocked her head and looked as if she was contacting her third eye until Minerva cleared her throat loudly.

“Right. I’ve never… never… shagged a werewolf,” she breathed, almost growling at Remus’ direction. He swallowed and looked at Severus to see if he’d drink. Everyone watched Severus to see if he’d drink. Nosy buggers, Severus thought, before he shrieked, “Minerva!”

McGonagall wiped her mouth with her forearm and looked around the room defiantly. “What?”

Remus leaned into Severus and whispered. “Have you noticed we’re the only ones who aren’t drunk?”

Severus smirked. “Well, they’ve had a long, long time to live a debauched life, we’ve only begun.”

Leaning even more closely, Remus breathed, “What do you say we ditch this party and go remove a few more things from our list of ‘I’ve Never’?”

Severus closed the infinitesimal space between them, his nose resting on Remus’ ear and whispered in a soft murmur. “I’d say, Happy Birthday to me.”
Tags: !drabble, 2009, character: albus dumbledore, character: filius flitwick, character: minerva mcgonagall, character: pomona sprout, character: remus lupin, character: severus snape, character: sibyl trewlaney, fandom: harry potter, genre: humor, pairing: remus/severus, rating: r
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